here i sit

thought i was ok ….woke up, went for a beautiful early morning walk…discovered lots of new and unusual plants and flowers here in ahwatukee foothills arizona..it may be hot..but man its gorgeous! thinking about my son cade, my angel in heaven as well as carson my 17 year old here on earth…

i get home and iam having a nice lunch by myself enjoying the outdoors and the beautiful surroundings and i just start to burst out crying…and sobbing uncontrollably…

will this pain ever go away..my son was barely 20 yrs old when he received his angel wings 3 months ago…i cry every single day. iam not saying that iam complaining but it is so difficult and so hard…i feel like is shouldnt be crying but then i feel like i should be.

this hurts so bad…i need to live on for my beautioful angel in heaven and to keep his spritit and legacy alive within me…

till we meet again my son

rip cade…see you at the table

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listen

how can someone you love be so mean, so disrespectful and so incredibly hurtful to you…can someone please tell me how is this possible and why?

you have too many pictures of cade on the wall…this house looks like a shrine..stop crying jen, its getting old. the “woe is me, has got to stop!” cade is better off d*** and gone then with you.

here i sit and cry and cry..because my son was killed in car accident 3 months ago, but also because the man i have been with for 9 yrs completely puts me down for everything i do while i greive for my 20 year old son who is gone. i dont want to go thru life hiding my feelings, it will eat me up inside..

i struggle every day and try to learn and live this brand new journey of my life that God and my beautiful angel, cade, has me hand in hand and guided me to happiness..i know that i will someday see and embrace my son again but until then its just me and my living son carson who is 17 to keep me afloat.

i have developed this BLOG to help myself through this greiving stage of my life and to hopefully help others…i want to be able chat, speak, and write whenever i feel like i need to and have the love and support from other mothers who are going thru the same thing iam.

i have already spent my first birthday without my son (march 24th) and now it will be the very first mothers day without him. i dont know how iam going to handle the day…i feel like iam strong, but yet iam so weak inside.

i wake up eveyday and go out into the world and smile..is it a true happy smile? sometimes, but most of the time, its fake. how can my son be gone? my first born? my best friend? my hero? my protector? gone in an instant…

rip cade…luv mom

Cade’s Celebration of Life

Date: Sunday February 25, 2018

Where: Monteleone Meadows

Please come celebrate the love and memories you have of someone gone way too soon….
photos of Cade, family and friends will be for on display for everyone to enjoy his memories, … I will be making a final toast and farewell to Cade and at that time you may come up and say some words on how he made an impact in your life, or even just to tell a story or funny moment that you remember about Cade. a slide show will be playing as well..

it would really mean a lot to me if everybody would come and I know it would mean a lot to Cade as well.. luv u all